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i shrink myself

Most people don’t know this about me, but I LOVE to dress up. Ever since I was little I was always experimenting with makeup, dress-up clothes, playing alone in my room and basking in the joy putting on some lipstick and a silly dress and not having to be Kait for a while. Halloween was (and still is) my favorite holiday, and now, as I’ve gotten older, have come to be comfortable enough to partake in the world of cosplay without feeling intimidated or scared. I’m thinking about this now because I had a moment today where I desperately needed to do something loud because I felt silenced. So I took off today’s makeup, put some heavier stuff on, got my favorite blonde wig, and literally just…. hung out in my room. I felt better, though.

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I’ve been taught to be less of myself for a while and today it happened again. Lately, I haven’t been admitting to people when they’re making me upset, angry, anxious, or any other negative emotion because of past traumas. Plenty of “that’s a ridiculous thing to be upset over,” “you’re just crazy” kind of deals. So when I get upset I shrink myself. I make as less of myself as I can. I say “it’s okay!” when it’s not so I’m not on burden on people’s lives. I disappear so I’m not an issue anymore. I shrink. I’m not me.

And for whatever reason that’s way I’ve always liked to be.

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xox, Kait

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NY -> DC

I haven’t updated in a while, I know, and it’s been taking a toll on me. I had to hold back doing what I love for the sake of getting my life together and honestly it’s still not even there. I haven’t had time to sit down and write everything out and just BREATHE since Halloween, but I’m starting to make some headway. Remember when I was updating everyday back in October? The good ole days.

Anyways, I landed a position in DC! The applications were taking up A LOT of my free-time. So I’m finally making the big move at the beginning of January. It’s only a fellowship, so it’s not very well paid and it temporary (January-May), but I think it’s going to be a great experience. The company seems promising and the area is one I’ve wanted to be in for a while. Now I just need a place to live.

I really wanted to make a cool come-back with a new theme, a new name, etc. but I had a really hard time straying from what I have now. Any suggestions?

Some other exciting things that have happened in the past two months:

My cousin got married!

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My brother had TWINS! Logan and Hudson.

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And, um, that’s basically it. What has everyone else been up to?

xox, Kait

Blog · Uncategorized

The Morning in New York

Today, it’s cold outside. Finally. I knew from the moment I woke up. My lips were chapped, my mom was telling my dad “it’s chilly out!” as she prepared for her morning walk, my arms were developing faint goosebumps. All the signs were there. Making my morning commute to New York City that much more bearable. Imagine; driving thirty minutes to the train station, waiting for the train to arrive, boarding the subway, walking ten minutes to your office in the slightest bit of heat. If you can’t imagine it I’ll tell you right now: it’s sweaty. Mostly on my back.

They ask me if I like it. My mom, dad, aunt, cousin, brother. “Are you a city girl yet? Do you see yourself in the city?” I do; mom, dad, aunt Kim, Jill, Greg; I do, but not this one. I see myself with the sky. I mean, I’m always with the sky but you know what I’m saying. You can’t see it in New York. The tall buildings that are everybody’s favorite! That make New York New York. I don’t want to feel the sun, but I want to see it.

I was seven when I first went to Washington, D.C. It was hot. I drank a lot of water, I wore a visor, I saw the monuments, I saw the sky. I went to college as close as I could get; Salisbury, Maryland. Close enough, right? I tried to stay there. I tried to plant myself there like a tree. I tried to watch myself grow. I failed. I went back to the place with the invisible sun and withered some more. A year later. Though planted nowhere.

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October Favorites

I’ve never done one of these before. But with the greatest month of the year coming to an end, I think it definitely calls for a bit of a look back. I had a lot of favorites this month; ranging from books, to makeup products, to music, as I’m sure you all did, too and sharing them with you is going to be the start of something exciting; Monthly Favorites coming your way every month going forward! Maybe I can introduce you guys to some new things and vice versa. You know, classic word-of-mouth.

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Starting with makeup! I’ve only slightly strayed from my usual products when I received these three in my Sephora Play Box. The first is the Urban Decay Optical Complexion Primer. Like your typical makeup primer, I put this product on my face before applying foundation. I’ve found that it has a great texture, makes my face appear poreless, and allows my foundation to sit nicely on my face, without absorbing too much into my skin. I’ve tried out multiple primers (Smashbox, Benefit, etc.), but I find myself especially drawn to this one. Definitely going to purchase the full size once income allows!

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The second product is the Makeup Forever Ultra HD Skin Booster. When I first received it, I was unsure of not how, but when to apply it. The directions said to apply before putting on your foundation, but what about primer!? So, I made a bold move, and mixed both the UD primer and the Skin Booster together and I have to say, it makes for one beautiful combo. The skin booster is refreshing and makes my face appear to be a hell of a lot smoother than it really is. Mix it with the primer and the pores are gone. Cannot complain. Will purchase.

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Lastly, the Tarte Rain Forest of the Sea Marine Boosting Mist. SO GOOD! I use it as a makeup setting spray and out of the two I’ve tried (Urban Decay and Boscia) it’s my favorite. Not only does it work, but it is so refreshing I can hardly stand it. 10/10.

This candle has been an essential part of my October. I light it up, turn out my lights, crawl into bed, and let the aromatic scents of sage, juniper berry and eucalyptus relax me to complete elation. Sounds a little exaggerated, but the smell is, in my opinion, the perfect scent for fall.

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I did a mystery book review that you can check out here on this next October favorite. In a dark, dark wood by Ruth Ware. It’s an easy read, but a read you will not be able to put down. It’s suspenseful, it’s thrilling, it’s spooky, it’s everything you could want for a Fall read.

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Quickly, music. This album is old news, but it reminds me of fall (perhaps because that’s the time of year I discovered it) and it’s one of those albums where every song is a bop and a half. Check it out if you have the chance. Language & Perspective // Bad Suns.

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What were some of your favorites this month? I’d love to hear ’em!

Until then,

Kait

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The weekend happenings

Hi All! I hope everybody had a fantastic halloweekend. I know I did. Aside from the weather on Sunday, it was a beautiful, fall weekend filled with so many Halloween activities.. you would not believe! It was easily one of the busiest weekends I have had in a while (and I work 4 jobs!) It was so eventful, in fact, that I’ve decided to share it with you. Pictures included, of course, in hopes that maybe you can do the same. I would love to hear how you spent your hallow-weekend and what your tomorrow is going to entail. As for myself, well, I have a great post coming your way.

Friday was spent at work, running around, and trying to get as much done as possible so I wouldn’t have to stress about it during the weekend. When I got home at 5PM, I did some walking with my boyfriend, got my costume on, and we hit the bars as none other than Spider Gwen and Spider-Man! Unfortunately, nobody else was in costume, but we made the best of it.

I had to wake up early the next morning for my cousins’ fiancees’ bridal shower (and yes, it was extremely rough). We had lunch at this beautiful restaurant in Smithtown called The Garden Grill and played a ton of bridal games. It was a great afternoon and it was really nice to see my family, as it always is. Afterwards we met the men back at my aunts place for some leftovers and more chatting. I had to leave early, however, because I was lucky enough to be scheduled to work the Halloween party at the winery. It was surprisingly fun. The employees and I all dressed up (me in the costume you see above) and we hosted several costume contests. Tips could have been better, but I think everybody had a really great time. Afterwards (around midnight) I met up with my friends at this local bar we visit quite a bit. I stayed for about an hour and continued to rep the blonde wig!

As much as I wanted Sunday to be a re-charge day, I had a birthday party to attend at 3. The morning was spent running around trying to get presents and gather whatever else I needed for the occasion. The party was great, I ate a lot of food, and I hung out with my co-workers daughter whom I rarely see. We sat in a corner and chatted all night. The rain was brutal at this point so getting home at 8PM was kind of a nightmare. Heavy rain and crazy winds were brewing and that brings me to later that night…..

I fell asleep at about 11:20 and was awoken at 11:30 to the sound of three huge trees falling down on my property, inches away from my bedroom. Had they fallen even slightly the wrong way, I definitely would have been crushed. No fluffing. No exaggeration. As you can see from the pictures, it was pretty brutal and only 2/3 trees are captured. You can see the power lines were a tad compromised in that second photo, so who knows how long we will be without power. Safe to say I was shaken up and definitely did not get a good night’s sleep.

So, there we are! Hopefully your halloweekend was more relaxing than mine. Tell me about it in the comments.

Until tomorrow,

Kait

 

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Surreal Skies

It really, truly amazes me how much of a cliche I can be. I was going to write a post about surreal experiences I’ve had, do my best to make my readers feel very present and in the moment, and go into vivid detail as I attempt to explain life-changing happenstances. But I took the easy way out this time, and I apologize. Instead, I decided to show you some
surreal skies,” as I like to call them, via my Instagram feed from the past couple of years.

Hover over the the image for the location.

Kait

Blog

Identity Questionnaire

unnamedAfter seeing the word prompt for today, identity, it suddenly came to my attention that my followers don’t  know me as well as I’d like them to and vice versa. I bring it up because I think it’s important to know who your followers are aside from the “this is my career, this is where I went to school” kind of diction. So, I’m taking matters into my own hands! I looked up a personal identity questionnaire and will answer some of the questions provided. Hopefully you can answer some in return and we can get to know one another better (also threw in an updated picture of myself. Add one of you, too!)

What gives you energy?
Social interactions. I know a lot of people find them quite draining but I truly thrive when I’m in a social setting, especially if it involves meeting new people. I find them inspiring.

What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
I would go to Iceland. I would apply to grad school. I would quit the jobs I’m not happy with.

If one day you wake up, and your whole life is perfect, how would it be? What’s changed?
I’m a fairly simple person. The perfect life for me is having done everything I’ve ever wanted to do, gone everywhere I’ve ever wanted to go, and finally have the chance to settle down. I don’t want to have to worry about what I’m missing out on or what I should be doing anymore. I want my own apartment in a city (don’t care which), I want to be writing, I want to have a ton of friends and my only two, extremely important requirements would be a cat and an impressive bookshelf. Why am I such a cliche?

What are 10 things you’re grateful for in your life right now?
My mom, my whole extended family, my dog, my coworkers, my degree, the roof over my head, kind people, being fortunate enough to afford food and a car, writing, literature

What fears are holding you back?
Money and losing everyone I love. Sounds morbid, but I want to get away and I fear my relationships would be compromised.

If you could go back in time and meet your younger self, what advice would you give him or her?
You don’t have to pretty, just be kind.

How could you love yourself more?
Having more confidence in my decisions, my life path, and myself.

If you could learn yourself any skill, what would it be?
I’ve always wanted to be musically inclined. I’ve always wanted to sing or play the guitar, piano, etc.

What are 5 compliments you’d like to hear from other people about you?
I want people to tell me I’m kind, selfless, strong, good enough, and valid.

What assumptions are you using as excuses? Are they true?
“If you pay all of that money for grad school, you won’t be able to pay back your loans because you’re entering a low paying field anyway.” Honestly, it’s kind of true.

Who inspires you? Why?
All young writers. All of the writers who have had their works published whether they’ve authored their own books or went through a literary magazine. All of you guys who blog. Seeing other people write with love and succeed.

I kept this short and sweet, but feel free to pick one question and expand upon your answer. I’m curious to see what you all have to say. Adios!

Kait